Week 14 Recap

Do I have to?

Last week I once again bet like a starving invalid. Heat's early recaps have me at like, 3-10. Awesome. Let's see the damage! I'll keep telling you...watch my picks, then bet against them. Every. Time.

(Except my real money bets, they are doing ok).

YTD: 9-16, -$175



SAN DIEGO +7.5 @ PITTSBURGH

My bet: San Diego +7.5, $25

What happened: San Diego came out and beat the ever-living fuck out of the Steelers. Ben Roethlisberger was off his game, and when he was momentarily on his game, his receivers dropped the ball. I figured the Steelers would win but not by 7.5, because they never win by more than 7.5. Didn't think this would happen, but it's a notch in the right column all the same.

Total: 1-0, +$25



DENVER @ OAKLAND +10.5

My bet: Oakland +10.5, no money

What happened: Who knows, I didn't watch. Looks like Oakland played ok but just doesn't have the team to hang with Denver. I would have taken the points if I had to but didn't really want to touch this game.

Total: 1-1, +$25



BALTIMORE +1.5 @ WASHINGTON

My bet: Washington +1.5, $25

What happened: Figured Washington would win, and they did. At that point I ignored the 1.5, because there aren't too many one-point wins in the NFL. Baltimore made it tough, and Washington tied it up late and prevailed in overtime. I also bet real money on the OVER (47.5), which seemed like easy money and looked like a sure thing early, but it got a little sketchy late. But these two awful defenses managed to allow enough points to give me my monayyyyy. The way this game was played, there was no analysis needed. Washington wins this game half the time and Baltimore wins this game half the time. It's a coin flip.

Total:  2-1, +$50



KANSAS CITY +6.5 @ CLEVELAND

My bet: KC +6.5, no money

What happened: Jamaal Charles ran 80 yards for a TD on the first play from scrimmage, and then nothing. Cleveland pummeled KC 27-7 or something. So remember that for next week...KC is back to sucking. Still not sure what to think of Cleveland. I'm hoping this game causes Vegas to overrate them.

Total: 2-2, +$50



TENNESSEE +5.5 @ INDIANAPOLIS

My bet: Indianapolis -5.5, $25

What happened: I wrote when I picked this game that Indianapolis really has not played thaaat well and never wins at home by 5+. I said that it wouldn't hold and that Luck would really show up today and that Indy would coast in this one. That didn't happen. Indy's standard homefield model prevailed here and they only won by 4. They may be an interesting bet for next week.

Total: 2-3, +$25



NYJ @ JACKSONVILLE +1.5

My bet: Jax +1.5, $25

What happened: I don't know, but it was probably boring as hell. I saw that Sanchize was starting and took the home dog against him. But NYJ got it done, as Jacksonville has a terrible fucking roster. They are back in play as an awful team - looks like the anomaly against Houston was just that. I put real money on the under and these two offensive lepers didn't let me down.

Total: 2-4, $0



CHICAGO @ MINNESOTA +3

My bet: Chicago -3. $25

What happened: Minnesota picked off Cutler for basically two pick-sixes as the Bears continue to give the ball away like it was HPV. Thought Chicago would roll, but nope...they killed me for the second straight week that I took them. After killing me for weeks when I bet against them. Why do I do this to myself?

Total: 2-5, -$25



ATLANTA @ CAROLINA +3

My bet: Atlanta -3, $25

What happened: Carolina said they were going to come out and wreck Atlanta, and they came out and wrecked Atlanta. Atlanta was the sketchiest 11-1 team ever, but I still didn't think they'd have any problem against the Cams. But they did. This one was not as close as the score indicated.

Total: 2-6, -$50




PHILADELPHIA +7.5 @ TAMPA BAY

My bet: Tampa Bay -7.5, $25

What happened: Philly finally won with their JV battery of Nick Foles and Bryce Brown. Oddly, this was the one game where Bryce Brown failed to show up at all, running for 6 yards on 12 attempts and wrecking fantasy playoffs for many people around the world, including both Heat and myself. I don't know what happened in this game, nor do I care. But I would think that maybe it validates some of Philly's recent close outings.

Total: 2-7, -$75



ST. LOUIS +3 @ BUFFALO

My bet: Buffalo -3, $25

What happened: I thought Buffalo would coast to victory. Instead, we got a 15-12 barnburner of a win for St. Louis. It's really tough to bet on or against Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Buffalo offense, because you have absolutely no idea what you are going to get from him. Had real money on Buffalo too, lost that shit.

Total: 2-8, -$100



DALLAS +3 @ CINCINNATI

My bet: Dallas +3, $25

What happened: I've said multiple times that I refuse to take the Bengals seriously until I have to. I do not have to yet. I put some real money on the Dallas moneyline. Although this game was very tight and required a late Dallas comeback (they were down 19-10 at one point), in the end, I finally got back into the win column.

Total: 3-8, -$75




MIAMI +10.5 @ SAN FRANCISCO

My bet: SF -10.5, $25

What happened: Miami actually played pretty feisty here and had a chance to tie it up late, down by 7 and throwing into the end zone. They didn't get it and then Kaepernick ran for a long TD to give me a very welcome backdoor cover. Thanks Colin!

Total: 4-8, -$50




NEW ORLEANS +4.5 @ NYG

My bet: NO +4.5, no money

What happened: Thought N.O. might win straight up, but in the end, I wasn't confident what to go. And good thing, as NYG ran roughshod through the Saints. Wasn't even as close as the score indicated (and the score indicated an ass-molesting). New Orleans as a viable good team is done.

Total: 4-9, -$50



ARIZONA +10.5 @ SEATTLE

My bet: Arizona +10.5, no money

What happened: I mentioned that I hated Arizona and their slew of cum-addict quarterbacks, but thought that the line was just a bit too high for Seattle. Well, it was too low...by about 48 fucking points. What a dick-slapping Seattle put on Arizona here. They swung a lot of fantasy playoffs with their 40+ point performance, including one against me. Brutal.

Total: 4-10, -$50




DETROIT +6.5 @ GB

My bet: Detroit +6.5, $25

What happened: I explained that I didn't like Detroit but...they are an awesome backdoor cover type of team. And they almost did just that here, instead electing for the field goal down near the goal line down by 10. Down by 10 was a late thing, they were hanging with GB all night. But in the end, they found a way to lose by 7. Sucks because by Friday the line had swung to +7.5.

Total: 4-11, -$75





HOUSTON +3.5 @ NE

My bet: NE -3.5

What happened: Had a feeling New England may win pretty handily. Had no idea they would put such a fucking beating on those poseur Texans. Houston has got stomped by the two elite teams they've faced - New England and Green Bay. They can beat up on Baltimore and Miami all they want - this team has some flaws. Mainly, Schaubby just isn't getting it done at the QB spot. 

Total: 5-11, -$50



WEEK 14: 5-11, -$50
YEAR TO DATE: 14-27, -$225

Lovely. While my record sucks, on the games I was actually confident enough to note, I was a half-point from Detroit away from breaking even. Oh well. We'll move on and try not to fuckin' blow again next week!