Once again, if you want to make money...check out my bets and do the exact opposite. And then go fuck yourself with a blunt object.
Let's check the carnage.
PHILADELPHIA +10 @ DALLAS
MY BET: PHI +10, $50
WHAT HAPPENED: Philadelphia was winning this game late, but once again Bryce Brown fumbled it away. But he only fumbled it away by 5, so at least I hit my sizzler.
RUNNING TOTAL: +$50
NEW ORLEANS +3.5 @ ATLANTA
MY BET: NO +3.5, $50
WHAT HAPPENED: Had this one dripping wet. Atlanta cannot put teams away, and once again they proved it. 5 picks, no TDs from Brees and Atlanta barely holds on to win by 10. An overturned fumble return nullified what would have been a lucky backdoor cover and then Brees threw his 5th fucking interception of the game. The fuck...I feel like I bet on Ty Detmer or something. Surprisingly given his performance, Drew Brees was not the NFL player to kill himself this weekend.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$0
SEATTLE +3.5 @ CHICAGO
MY BET: CHI -3.5, $25
WHAT HAPPENED: Didn't watch much of this one because I was transfixed on the Lions-Colts, the peanuts and the free dick all around me at Sidelines, so all I know is that Seattle won this in OT. I bet against Chicago solely because they'd been killing me and now they kill me this way when I finally pick them. I hope Jay Cutler chokes on his insulin.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$25, 1-2
MINNESOTA +9 @ GREEN BAY
MY BET: Minnesota +9, $0
WHAT HAPPENED: Minnesota played well - Adrian Peterson continues to beast on teams - but they Pondered all of their late chances and this game ended in a push. Ponder looked like he may be ok early in the season but now it's clear he just completely fucking sucks. Can't believe he went 12th overall. Even Cade McNown can't believe Ponds went that early in the draft.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$25, 1-2
SAN FRANCISCO @ ST LOUIS +7
MY BET: SF -7, $25
WHAT HAPPENED: If Alex Smith were playing, I take St. Louis. Colin Kaepernick, I figured, would run through this team pretty easily. Instead, he looked like Alex Smith. St. Louis upset SF in OT. I lose again.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$50, 1-3
ARIZONA +4.5 @ NYJ
MY BET: AZ +4.5, $25 (basically not NYJ -4.5)
WHAT HAPPENED: Nothing happened. Game ended 7-6 NYJ, Mark Sanchez got pulled and then Greg McElroy came in and hit 2 home runs with 5 RBIs. Great performance and excellent pitching by Shonn Greene. Arizona couldn't knock in the tying run in the bottom of the ninth. This game was probably what the Trail or Tears looked like if it were converted into a football game.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$25, 2-3
CAROLINA @ KANSAS CITY +3
MY BET: Carolina -3, $50. Dripping wet.
WHAT HAPPENED: Took this one before the KC craziness. Not sure what I would have done if I were to look at this game on Saturday after the murder suicide ploy by Romeo Crennel. Either way, KC looked like a real team and Carolina continued to lose. Jamaal Charles made some positive yards. Brady Quinn had a very good, efficient stat line at QB. Let me repeat that...BRADY FUCKING QUINN PLAYED REALLY GOOD AT QB. Sometimes, betting on football games sucks goat ass.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$75, 2-4
INDIANAPOLIS +4.5 @ DETROIT
MY BET: DET -4.5, $25
WHAT HAPPENED: A lot of fucked up shit happened. Detroit had this easily until just giving it away at the end. Detroit finds ways to lose. I may expand on this later. I may not. I don't know if I can find the willpower to do it. This team can suck me. There goes survivor. Fuck you Detroit. I hope Titus Young singlehandedly just ruins this team.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$100, 2-5
JACKSONVILLE +6.5 @ BUFFALO
MY BET: JAX +6.5, $25
WHAT HAPPENED: The clock struck midnight and Jacksonville went back to being Jacksonville. I knew Buffalo was occasionally capable of putting up a good offensive performance, I just bet against it being this week because it rarely happens. It happened this week.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$125, 2-6
NEW ENGLAND @ MIAMI +7.5
MY BET: NE -7.5
WHAT HAPPENED: Miami looked surprisingly competent, but it wasn't enough to really make this game that close. It was enough, however, to lose by only 7 and cover by a half of a fucking point. Damn it to fucking heck.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$150, 2-7
HOUSTON @ TENNESSEE +5.5
MY BET: HOU -5.5, $25
WHAT HAPPENED: Surprised I didn't make this a sizzler, as I put real money on it. It seemed like easy money, and it was. Houston never had any trouble in this game.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$125, 3-7
TAMPA +7 @ DENVER
MY BET: TB +7, $25
WHAT HAPPENED: Tampa was looking good and keeping it close through half time, but Denver just pounded them in the second half. They only covered by a point, but the game was not that close. Another cum-dripping loss. I should never put actual money on this shit.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$150, 3-8
NYG @ WASHINGTON +2.5
MY BET: NYG -2.5, $25
WHAT HAPPENED: Washington looked like they'd lose this one, but they held strong and kept the Giants off the board for much of the second half. A surprising defensive struggle, given how much Washington's defense sucks. Puts me at a sexy 3-9 for the week. Lovely.
RUNNING TOTAL: -$175, 3-9
So there you have it. If you would have read this blog and bet the exact opposite (like I told you to do), you would have made about $175 minus vigs and just fuckin' killed it this week. So keep that in mind when it comes time to place those sexy week 14 wagers. Listen...I'll bring you the beef. I'll even season it. But it's your job to cook it.
WEEK: 3-9, -$175
YEAR TO DATE: 9-16, - $175
SUCK MY: genitals
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