Meat's Week 12 Morning After Report

Had a great day Thursday. Not so much on Sunday, as many of my sizzling picks burned. That's the thing with a sizzling pick - you get that meat ready too early and by the time Sunday comes around it's charred as fuck. Expect that single coming out from Gunpowder Jones, Bankshot and Wrench. CHARRED AS FUCK. We ready.

Anyways, let's take a look.


HOUSTON @ DETROIT (-3)

MEAT'S PICK: Detroit, $0

WHAT HAPPENED: I expected Detroit to win this game, but it was close to a coinflip. That and the fact that many games are decided these days by a field goal, hell, take the points. This game was and on my line, it was a push. Detroit played like they were going to win, but a shitstorm of shit shitted them in the face and they ended up Detroiting it away at the end. Vegas lines were DET -3.5, so you would have won if you put some action down on that line. Either way, my $0 bets are ones that aren't really meant to count, so even if it weren't a push I'm not counting it toward my total.


WASHINGTON @ DALLAS (-3)

MEAT'S PICK:Washington +3, $20

WHAT HAPPENED:Well, I took the points because Dallas is inconsistent as hell and I didn't see them winning by more than three. Turns out, they did JUST what we've seen from them all year...sucked early, got down big, came back but fell short in the end. In retrospect kind of an easy choice but I guess everything is easy in retrospect.

RUNNING TALLY: +20, 1-0




NEW ENGLAND @ NY JETS (+7)


MEAT'S PICK:New England -7, $30

WHAT HAPPENED: I bet that NYJ would be completely awful, because that's what the percentages suggested. They are completely awful more often than not. And on Thursday, they were a special brand of awful. Easy money.

RUNNING TALLY: +50, 2-0




DENVER @ KANSAS CITY (+10.5)

MEAT'S PICK:Denver -10.5, $25

WHAT HAPPENED:Denver sucked in this one. Kansas City actually played well in the first half, but missed out on touchdowns with some weird playcalling and ultimately fell to Denver 17-9. Denver went through the motions but it was enough to beat the middling Chiefs. Wasn't enough to cover the spread, though.

RUNNING TALLY: +25, 2-1



TENNESSEE @ JACKSONVILLE (-3)

MEAT'S PICK: Kind of Tennessee +3, $0

WHAT HAPPENED:Another one not meant to count, as I didn't know what to expect from the Jags. Gun to my head, I predicted they revert to the old Jags. However, they did not. Henne is still playing well and Justin Blackmon is still looking like an NFL receiver. Jags had to win by 3 and they did, winning 24-19. I hope you didn't place actual money on this game.

RUNNING TALLY: +25, 2-1



BUFFALO @ INDIANAPOLIS (-3)

MEAT'S PICK: Indianapolis -3, $10

WHAT HAPPENED: This bet was more against Buffalo than for Indianapolis, as Ryan Fitzpatrick simply isn't the answer. Sometimes he plays decently and throws the ball all over the place for like 400 yards, but he usually mixes in a pick or two that kills his team's chances. But, more often than not, he plays like John Skelton, throws for like 220 and a TD and leads a moribund offense to 17 points. So, I played the odds and figured he would put up one of those boring games. He did. This game was boring as hell but Indy got it done. I didn't have much faith in this one so I only put up $10. That will change next week - I'm killing myself with these money variables.

RUNNING TALLY: +35, 3-1



OAKLAND @ CINCINNATI (-9.5)

MEAT'S PICK: Oakland +9.5, $30

WHAT HAPPENED: Oakland got ass raped. It's that simple. I thought Cincy might lose this game and I was just plainly wrong as fuck.

RUNNING TALLY: +5, 3-2



SEATTLE @ MIAMI (-3)

MEAT'S PICK: Miami, $10

WHAT HAPPENED: Took the East Coast home team and the points. Figured it would be decided by a field goal. It was decided by a TD, and the TD was Miami's. Good for them. Didn't like it at all so I only put down $10. I'm an idiot.

RUNNING TALLY: +15, 4-2



ATLANTA @ TAMPA BAY (PK)

MEAT'S PICK: Tampa -0, $50

WHAT HAPPENED: Thought Tampa had this game, but in the end they let Atlanta take it from them by a point. Saw some Tampa +1.5 lines as the game approached which would have given me a win, but I was going off a pick 'em line and have to stick to it. A crushing loss that I feel is going to beget more crushing losses to follow.

RUNNING TALLY: -35, 4-3. Over .500, losing money. I'm the best.



PITTSBURGH @ CLEVELAND (PK)

MEAT'S PICK: Pittsburgh +0, $100

WHAT HAPPENED: Putting my sizzling pick here to tie it into the next one. Basically, I figured Pittsburgh, even with a backup QB, was so much better than Cleveland that they would continue their streak of, what, like 19 wins out of their last 20 vs. the Browns? But I did not see them fumbling 6 times. That's just embarrassing. Then the Browns fumble one fucking time and the refs call it forward progress. This game was an abomination and, by virtue of it's closeness on an 8-1 turnover disparity, showed how bad the Browns were. That's how the cookie crumbles sometimes.

RUNNING TALLY: -135, 4-4. NOICE



BALTIMORE @ SAN DIEGO (PK)

MEAT'S PICK: Baltimore +0, $15

WHAT HAPPENED: I put the Steelers-Browns game above to say something about this one. While I did count on the Chargers doing their thing and finding a way to lose, I didn't expect them to do it like this. They just outplayed the hell out of Baltimore. There was no reason for Baltimore to win this game. Picking them was the wrong call. And yet, they fucking won. I think my call on the Steelers game was correct. And I think this one was incorrect. And yet this is how it turns out. Good thing I only put 15 fake dollars down! Fuck.

RUNNING TALLY: -120, 5-4



ST. LOUIS @ ARIZONA (-1)

MEAT'S PICK: Arizona -1, $40

WHAT HAPPENED: Thought this one was easy money. And Arizona looked good early. But there's no way you are winning a game when you throw 2 fucking pick-sixes to the same fucking guy. That ball must have been filled with weed the way Janoris Jenkins was going after it. I am pretty much out of fake money now.

RUNNING TALLY: -160, 5-5



SAN FRANCISCO @ NEW ORLEANS (-1)

MEAT'S PICK: New Orleans -1, $15

WHAT HAPPENED: I figured New Orleans would win a close one here. Didn't see Drew Brees throwing two pick-sixes, but he did. San Francisco's defense is just awesome and they are very very very dangerous with Colin Kaepernick starting. Just plain wrong about this one.

RUNNING TALLY: -175, 5-6



GREEN BAY @ NYG (-2.5)

MEAT'S PICK: Green Bay +2.5, $50

WHAT HAPPENED: Surprised the Giants were favored, based on the direction each team was going. Then they just wax the fuck out of Green Bay. Green Bay tied it up at 7 early and were never heard from again. I am terrible at this but I'll come back strong next week, guaranteed! Not really.

RUNNING TALLY: -225, 5-7



So here's what I'm going to do. I've got $35 riding on Carolina tonight -2.5. Current line on topbet.com is Carolina -3. I'm going to put another $190 on Carolina -3. If this were real money, this is what would be known as a "gambling problem". But it's not, so I'm cool.

And yeah, I know there's vigs and shit, I'm just going to ignore that. Because this isn't real. So suck it.


Running total: -$225, 5-7 overall.

Rating: FUCKING AWFUL

Bye