So Yeah, This Guy is in Charge of an Actual MLB Team

Hello, people with pens

Ned Yost. Manager of the Royals. Kinda suckish at managing. Said this:

This was going to happen earlier, but the Royals were just playing too well. …

“It’s not an experiment, but we want guys to be versatile, and those guys, we think, can handle it,” Yost said before Thursday’s 12-2 loss to the Mariners. “I was waiting until we lost a game before I started experimenting a little bit, but what the hell, we’d better just go ahead and start doing it.

Are you shitting out of your fucking dick, Ned? You were holding off on implementing your plan for spring training because you didn't want to mess up you win streak? YOUR SPRING TRAINING WIN STREAK?

Listen. I know you've heard this shit before, but listen fa rill. THESE GAMES MEAN NOTHING, NED. They mean nothing at all. They don't count. They don't give you a tiebreaker. They don't matter for draft picks. They don't matter for anything. They are completely meaningless. Devoid of meaning. If they were a food, they'd be mustard-glazed air. If they ran for President, they would win zero electoral votes, capturing the delegates from the District of Nowhere. If they were a live celebrity, they'd be Whitney Houston. THEY MEAN FUCK-ALL.

Let me show you what they mean. Read this article from 1996.

The Pirates split another spring training "doubleheader yesterday". They lost to Kansas City, 17-14, but Mark Johnson beat Joe Vitiello, 9-7, in the RBI battle between the team's first basemen.

Yes! That shit was actually written! The game was SEVENTEEN TO FUCKING FOURTEEN. The star attractions where MARK JOHNSON and JOE VITIELLO. There's a reason you don't know who the fuck they are...because they sucked at baseball. They were awful. And if you read more, Mark Johnson used to dominate spring training. It was a running thing around Pittsburgh. He batted like .450 in spring training. Every year. Then the season would start, and he was still Mark Johnson. HE COULD NOT STOP BEING MARK JOHNSON. No matter what he tried, no matter how awesome he was in the spring hitting off Grover McSlurveball, he could not stop being Mark Johnson. His Mark Johnson-ness was always 80 grade. He was consistently Mark Johnson. No player ever topped him in that category.

I just heard of Joe Vitiello when looking up Mark Johnson spring archives, but I'm sure you could say the same for him. Needless to say, Mark Johnson always got our hopes up in spring, then continued to suck yearly. And I'm sure he's not alone in that category.

So, that's spring training for you. When I watch spring training games, which I really don't, but when I do...I don't even know what to look for. I watch them because it's the Buccos and baseball's almost starting and that's exciting. I guess I look to see if Alvarez is hitting hard, but he's really not, and I don't give any semblance of a fuck. When I look at gamecast and see that the Pirates are getting blasted and walking in runs, I'm all like, "eh". When spring training is on, and I'm watching it, and I get a little hungry but not really, I go make some soup from a can or something because SOUP FROM A CAN IS MORE IMPORTANT, EVEN WHEN I'M NOT REALLY HUNGRY, THAN SPRING TRAINING BASEBALL.

Now, this may seem innocuous. But it's not. This guy, Nedrick "The Entertainer" Yost, is paid to guide his franchise through games. He's there to make the right decisions and put dudes in position to succeed and what have you. And this is the way he thinks! That is what's troubling for Royals fans. Thoughts like this permeate his mind! I'm of the popular school of thought that managers can't really win games so much as they can lose them. And this guy is grade-A lose games material.

Let me see how I bet them in my over/unders:

Kansas City Royals 79

I don't see it. What the fuck are they doing raiding the farm to build up a 72-win team? They are still starting Jeff Francouer. Another Cleveland type pick in that I'm not too confident but gut feeling, I don't see it. I hate the AL Central. Least favorite divish.

UNDER - 1 star

Yep. I might bump that shit up to 6 stars. I might make a fuckin' constellation with all the stars I am b